i wanted to write a few lines... because, because, it has not dawned on me yet that i failed superq.. i did!!! i'm not too proud of it, not too sad about it that i wallow in despair and rant about it, either... nope, i still have my sanity... just too pre-occupied with a lot of things, lately... but then,  

i

just

felt

fine... like that song from the sundays... i don't really know the lyrics but i told myself when i heard about it -- i feel fine... it's not that i don't care, or don't really feel any love about what i'm doing right now anymore... actually, quite the opposite... i'm beginning to appreciate what it is that we do... and trying again to -- take whatever life throws at you -- and hurl it back harder... and then this happens...

i really do not feel any resentment...? pressure...? bad vibes...? about getting an a.f.i. on something, because i am human and prone to make mistakes... i guess, i was trying to be receptive, trying to take in what was being said... but then again, it was something else that she asked that actually tugged @ my heartstrings -- and i dread as i recall how i almost bawled like a baby -- because i wasn't ready to face the question posed @ me... -- how do i feel about going back???

and then i tried to ask myself then, how should i feel about going back?

shocked

in denial

angry

i want to get out??? i really do not know... some days, the feeling leaves you alone, but then like a shadow, it suddenly creeps from behind and sort of just grabs you... they were my blood, sweat and tears -- someone else had placed them in a box and thrown them away like garbage... super-exag!

so, in the end, andito parin pala ako, sa rollercoaster...hmmm, i don't feel lost and i won't bother asking for maps to somewhere -- dyslexic kase, baka lalo akong mauala... ride nalang until it's over...

what won't kill you, can make you stronger... i will try holding on, and weigh the consequences, the feeling, anything that i can grasp @ arm's length, since i have never been one of the best students of life, never learned the art of letting go... so holding on, is the best that i can do @ this point...

i feel fine... well, because i got 2 things today... a lolly (did i read it right? blowpop?) for getting a perfect score - superyey!!! and ah, you know... no biggie, didn't kill me yet... tonight is another day...

Renfeeeeeild!!! it's almost noon, where's my???... oh well, whatever, enough said...

***DISCLAIMER*** The events, characters and emotions described within this blog are somewhat fictional... Any resemblance to actual persons living, dead or out of the country is purely unfortunate...